Finding a partner – possible for some, hard for other people: why?

By Petra · Published 19 November, 2012 · Updated 15 August, 2016

Some individuals think it is super easy to satisfy brand new lovers and barely ever have gaps between relationships. It does not make a difference whether their relationships continue for decades or months – somehow they manage to prevent stay single for very long and simply satisfy a brand new love interest right after splitting up: per month or two passes and… poof! – they’re in a relationship that is new.

If you’re not just one of those, also it usually takes you much much longer to get someone brand new – possibly a 12 months, and even a several years – you may find it extremely puzzling, even annoying. They don’t appear to be any longer “deserving” to really have a relationship compared to the sleep of us – just how do it is done by them? What exactly is their key?


Many of them feel that they need to have somebody inside their lives on a regular basis, so that they carry on in one relationship to a higher, simply because they definitely dread the very thought of being solitary. Their have to be with some body is more powerful than want to have significant relationship. Due to which they barely split up before they meet somebody brand new, so that they appear like they find lovers effortlessly: the fact remains, they simply can’t stay being alone and try everything they may be able to help keep the old relationship, whether or not they are content with it or otherwise not.


Some individuals simply have actually low objectives and requirements. When you yourself have a checklist that is short of partner characteristics, obviously there clearly was more range of feasible matches. And also this enables you to very likely to fall in love – it’s simpler to wow you. We’ve all experienced that destination sooner or later inside our life: keep in mind exactly exactly how effortless it absolutely was whenever you had been a teenager because you liked someone’s smile, or their cute curls, or their amazing green eyes… you could fall in love with a picture, without even meeting the actual person– you could fall in love! Often with a part of a teen band that is popular. Or a few them.


But after we emerge from teenage years – we generally add more criteria being centered on something significantly more than look and attraction that is physical character characteristics, life style choices, values, passions – and several other items. The theory is that, the greater things we increase the list – the trickier it becomes to get those who match them. But still, there are numerous individuals who can easily do it. They may not be needy and afraid of being solitary, and additionally they have a checklist that is sizeable. The key of the success is self- self- confidence which they will find exactly exactly just what they’re looking for, and therefore there is certainly sufficient option out here for them. They find their lovers effortlessly as they are convinced they could!

Often that self- self- confidence arises from previous experiences – if you discovered it simple to get lovers early in the day in life, that sense of success will always be with you and attract more lucrative occasions, also it becomes a repeating and self-reinforcing impact. Exact exact Same works together with the contrary: as soon as you had issues finding lovers for a time, you may create a belief that it’s difficult to find somebody, so that as a consequence it should be. Your thinking becomes your experience, and your experience shall strengthen your philosophy. And in case you add a idea “I will not find someone” along with that, and begin thinking on it, it’s going to probably get a whole lot worse.


How exactly to use of the “vicious circle”? By changing your philosophy – which will be difficult, however it is truly the only long-lasting efficient means. It entails changing not only your thinking – but your emotions also: thinking positive is excellent, however it is perhaps not enough in the event that you don’t feel those ideas are true. Once you understand in your heart you will find love, it will take place for you personally.


Exactly exactly How difficult it really is so that you could find partners that are new? Does it simply take you times, months or years between two relationships … what’s your “average” period between severe relationships? (3y for me personally! ).

Many thanks for joining the conversation.

(MODIFY: remarks on this post are closed. Please go ahead and contact me via CONTACT or TRAINING pages when you have concerns about this subject. )

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I wonder exactly just how some individuals come out of just one relationship and into another – i will be perhaps not one particular individuals and quite often it is hard as you do think it should be you this is the issue.

Hi, thanks for your remark. I would personally place it that way: as soon as we have hard time finding a relationship – we have been maybe not the issue, however the problem lies with us. Perhaps one of the most common dilemmas is in how we see and appreciate ourselves – usually too small. Even as we change that, we begin attracting individuals who can recognise our beauty and love us just the method our company is. Since I don’t understand you, i might maybe not speculate just what will be the right solution for the situation, but i shall compose more info on this subject, therefore wish you’ll be able to get some responses on your own. Thank you for reading.

Hello i will be during my late 60s no. Ended up being widowed in my own belated 50s. We began found and dating love once more. I happened to be with my partner for almost eight years and some days he had found someone else and didn’t think he loved me any more ago he said. I will be devestated and thus uncertain of my future now. Have came across some people for a dating internet site and been on several times. There was some body i’ve met for relationship which is fine. Nevertheless heartbroken and would simply simply take my ex straight back but most unlikely that may take place and today as a result of my age, therefore uncertain concerning the future and cry every for the lost love day.

You will find love at all ages, there’s absolutely no doubt about this. You discovered it in your 50s that are late and several individuals would state it is impossible at that age too. And it also wasn’t, right? Just What might site right here make it harder now is just your fear you won’t again find it. But why wouldn’t you? You’ve got been effective up to now, and invested little of one’s grown up years solitary. Just What evidence you have got love is certainly not possible now, and can’t take place again? You can find solitary wonderful individuals at all ages. I’ve had some as my customers too, femail and male, of one’s or older age. You will be heartbroken now, that may additionally influence your degree of optimism. Perhaps you’re not really willing to date yet, as you continue to be harmed. Offer yourself a while, and merely venture out on times to possess a little bit of enjoyable, it is much easier to generally meet the person that is right you’re not too determined it offers to occur right-here-right-now.

Dear Petra, this cycle that is vicious of becomes even harder to break if it is the situation of somebody who is within their twenties and it has never held it’s place in a relationship. Just exactly What advice would you let them have?

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